Goal setting.
It feels kinda strange writing about this because as a couple, Jason and I are NOT experts in this area. In fact, for two people who have been together for 6 years, and married for almost three, we’ve got a long way to go! But the good thing is we have started at least and as we know, taking the first step is always a great way to overcome any kind of challenge or struggle! It also helps when you take that step together.
“Fun!” would be our usual reply whenever someone would ask us how married life is like as newlyweds. And it’s true, we would get easily excited about planning the next surf trip, hosting the next party, or heading outdoors with our skates. But about a year ago, we realised we need to move past just having fun together, to being more intentional about our marriage and the time that is given to us here (in this phase of life / on this earth). We had talked about it many times before but never got around to sitting down and asking each other what was important to us. It almost felt like a chore. So to get past this little (but important) hurdle, we decided to make it something “fun” and rewarding as well so we would look forward to it and really get the ball going.
Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash
Choosing a place
We knew it’d be good to get ourselves away from daily distractions (TV, house chores, city traffic, work) to have the right headspace for a conversation like this. So we chose a quiet cafe up in Genting Highlands. It was about an hour’s drive away and had a comfortable environment. We could have coffee and cake, and then enjoy the drive and fresh air together. This gave us something to look forward to.
Choosing the right time and day
It was important that we talked about these things before the flurry of events started for the year, so we picked the first day of the first month of the year. We blocked out at least half a day and didn’t plan anything after. This is so that we would have enough time to talk and wouldn’t need to rush off anywhere.
Prior preparation
Before our Goal Setting day came, we mentally prepared a few pointers to discuss (I wrote mine down because I like writing things down). These were just things that were important to us individually or things that we each hoped to do more of in the coming year. This helped the discussion be more effective because we were already prepared with a few ideas to share.
Prioritising goals
As we each took turns to share our thoughts, one of us would write it down. At the end of the session, we realised we had a very long list! So we picked out the items that were most important and could be easily done. The “low-hanging fruits”. We then talked about how we would get these things done so that there would be practical steps to achieving it so it wouldn’t just be a wishlist. We also tried to make it cover more than just one area. So there would be at least one specific and doable thing for each category:
- Personal development (eg. read xx number of books, sign up for an international bike race)
- Spiritual growth (eg. pray together every night even if it’s just 5 mins)
- Giving (eg. pick one family or person to cook dinner for every month)
- Health (eat healthier, bike ride at least 3 times a week)
- Career
- Hobbies
- Relationships / Friendships
- Finances
- etc
By the end of our chat, we realised there was a lot to look forward to together that year! We share the same faith and so decided to end the discussion by taking turns to pray and commit these plans to God.
Scheduling Check-ins
Unfortunately, this is something we forgot to schedule in. So the piece of paper that we wrote on was shelved and we ended up only working on whatever we could remember by memory alone. Learning from that, we have now scheduled in time throughout this year (about once every three months) to just take time off and check-in on how we’re doing with our goals. We have also stuck these goals in an obvious place on our bedroom wall so we’re constantly reminded of them.
Celebrating the little things
The idea of goal setting isn’t to set the bar so high that you feel discouraged when you don’t achieve it. It’s really just a habit and something that can be fun to practice together. And when you do achieve even a few out of the list, take time to celebrate! Celebrate with cake or with a movie-night in. It doesn’t have to be expensive and it doesn’t have to take up too much time. As long as it’s a moment you both set aside to acknowledge how far you’ve come together.
By the way, this year when we looked back at our goals for 2019, we found that even though there were a few achievements (some still in progress) and more unmet goals than we hoped, it somehow still felt like a big year of growth for our personal lives. So we took out a new sheet of paper and started writing down the little lessons that we both learned throughout the year – and to our surprise, the page was completely filled! I guess sometimes we can’t always prepare for the specifics of opportunity to grow and develop, but if growth is an overall goal, we can always prepare our hearts and be ready to make the most of it when it comes.
