A few days ago, when my husband, daughter, and I were hanging out in the living room after dinner, my little spirited daughter dropped whatever she was playing with to give her dad a huge hug.
“I love you, papa!” she exclaimed. Squeezing him as if to absorb every ounce of love he has for her. Then she ran off and continued playing.
My daughter does this at least 20 times a day, if not more. My husband laughed and remarked,
“I don’t think I’ve ever said ‘I love you’ to my dad before.”
That was quite sad for me to hear. “I hope my daughter never stops telling us that she loves us,” I thought.
Saying it without words
This is not uncommon in our Asian culture though. We tell our loved ones we love them through many other ways: like making them a cup of coffee, making sure the house is clean, making sure their clothes are neatly pressed, buying them gifts, etc.
My husband’s love language is ‘Acts of service’. He likes stocking up the fridge with our favourite fruits and snacks, and makes sure he fulfils his responsibilities in the home and at work.
I, on the other hand, need words of affirmation. I need to hear all the words he can give me. It affirms me, it gives me confidence, it helps me move forward. And so I find myself sometimes longing for our dating years where he was more expressive and less old school (haha).
What if… all we had were just words?
One day as I was in the shower, I thought about what my husband would say to me if he were good with words. I thought about what our parents would say to us if they were brought up in a different environment, one that encouraged them to be more verbally expressive. Then I thought about what I wish I could hear from each of them,
especially during this time when we are not allowed to meet up with friends or family. When expressions of love are limited to a video call or a text message.
Perhaps getting used to sharing sentiments take time. But when you make the first move to say what needs to be said, you’re taking one step towards making it a norm. And sometimes it can be exactly what your loved one needs to hear.
We might need a little help to string words together, for what we truly mean to say in our hearts. So here are some simple ways you can start. The idea is to take these examples, make them yours, and say it to the person you love. It could be written as a card or a letter. Or even as a voice message or in person. Don’t let these moments pass you by.
What your husband / wife might wish to hear more of:
“I see the sacrifice you make for us but please know, YOU are enough. I love you as you are.”
What your brother / sister might wish to hear more of:
“You’re a great brother / sister and I am so thankful for you. Life would never be the same without you!”
What your children might wish to hear more of:
“I am so proud of you and I love and respect the amazing person you have grown into.”
What your parents might wish to hear more of:
“It’s okay if mistakes were made, because you have always been the best mom / dad for me.”
